Technology is an amazing thing. We can call anyone at anytime and talk to them about anything. I grew up in a day when long distance phone calls were “scheduled.” Like Gramma called on Tuesday night, for example. Now we can call at any point and usually get someone on the phone, because our phones go with us everywhere.
There was a time when my dad didn’t have a cell phone. Brief, but nonetheless there was a time. Finally, I convinced him to get a pay as you go phone because he liked to take long rides on his motorcycle.
Tomorrow is Sunday. The second Sunday since my dad died that I won’t dial his number to talk to him. It’s still not sinking in that he is not going to be on the other end. I am scared that one Sunday I will call his number only to realize too late that he won’t be there to receive my call.
I was talking with Aaron this evening about how I’m not a complete emotional mess about my dad’s death. He says it is because I saw him. I saw how his quality of life was disappearing. That anything beyond the hospital was not going to be living, but surviving. He said that I was witness to just how bad life was going to be to him, so death was a relief.
Some will get angry at that comment. But it’s like watching someone with terminal cancer live for everyone around them. My dad did NOT need to live for anyone around him. Yes, his choices put him where he was, but if I had to choose between the life he was going to live post-ICU and the hopeful afterlife I hope he gets to experience, I will choose the latter.
My heart is broken about the things we will miss out on in experiencing with my dad. The things his grandchildren won’t experience. My soul is satisfied that leaving his imperfect body was the best alternative.
I know there will be times where I am heartbroken, my sadness and grief will overwhelm me. My days will be long. My thoughts will wander.
But my understanding in salvation and having been told my dad had accepted Christ years ago, gives me satisfaction that he is likely spending time with loved ones awaiting my arrival (which hopefully won’t be for many many human years).
From dust we came and dust we shall go.
When is my time? I do not know.
I can only pray that when it is my day,
My children will know I chose Jesus one day.
Never miss an opportunity to talk to your loved ones about the saving grace of Jesus. He is and always will be the our path to Heaven.
Rest in peace, Dad! I love you!