What does your Christian look like?

I have some problems lately. And many would say that “I should be grateful; life is great; God is providing; He is working in your life.” Yada yada yada. But this is simply not where I am at. I am not grateful, thankful, happy or joyful. I’m not at peace, kind, or helpful. I’m a mess.

Does God work in people’s lives? Yes! I 100% believe that. Does God work in my life? Yes! But my struggle has nothing to do with whether I believe he is or isn’t working in my life. My issues are coming from what my Christian looks like.

It doesn’t look like this:

It doesn’t look like this:

It looks A LOT like this:

I am always in tears. Always wondering if I am even good enough. Will I look better, different, skinnier, happier, prettier, more put together if I just have more faith? Why doesn’t my Christian look like that girl, or that family, or that believer? Why can’t I be more faithful, happier, friendlier, patient, kinder? When will I be Christian enough to feel that God loves me?

This is a constant struggle for me? There are many people I could blame. I could point the finger at the church (insert name here) for making it seem that appearance is how people know you are a believer. I could place the blame at the media for saying that those who have true faith have gone through some sort of rock bottom experience like gangs, sexual abuse, or violence.

Truth is, I can’t place the blame on anyone or anything except for myself. I have allowed all these things to cloud my faith. I have allowed all of this to deter me from the true love of God. That he supposedly loves me for who and what I am where I am at for reasons I cannot seem to answer.

Every single believer will go through valleys and peaks. This is likely one of my valleys.

I feel like I hold myself to a different standard. I teach at a Christian school, teaching students how to insert Jesus and the Word into their lives in all aspects from Bible study to science to math to art to literacy. Feeling like I do feels like a betrayal to my profession.

Please do not misunderstand me, I am in no way disregarding my believe in the One and Only. I am just working through my issues as a believer, in a very public manner.

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2 thoughts on “What does your Christian look like?

  1. You already know this, but sometimes we need to be reminded that the valleys are where we’re most likely to meet God, because that’s when were mostly likely to need Him. I think it’s good if people know how we really are. It’s honest.
    I used to tell my former pastor when I felt like what you’re feeling. He always thought that was good. ‘Cause that meant something was coming my way from God. Funny – he was always right about that.
    So I’ll pray for you – what’s coming – and His presence in it.

  2. Ginny

    Why are you being SO hard on yourself? There are basic rules to being a good Christian and I promise you, none of the people you are comparing yourself to are perfect. Start at the beginning of Psalms…and just start reading. Psalms 1:1…

    Blessed is the man
    Who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
    Or stand in the way of sinners
    Or sit in the seat of mockers.

    That one always sets me back in my seat and brings me back to square one. In my eyes…its what matters the most.

    You will never be like anyone you’re comparing yourself too…YOU’RE YOU. You are worthy of all the happiness this life WILL bring you and I believe, that you will be leaps and bounds closer to realizing that when you get to the other side of this mountain you’re climbing. Let go and let yourself be happy.

    Luck!!

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